I’m sitting here not knowing what to write but ready to purge the weight of the burdens I’ve carried for so long.
God spoke to me and revealed to a revelation about my patterns.
My pattern consists of me having a plethora of ideas. Books, business, this very blog and all their potential constantly run amuck in my head. I begin a task. But so often I’m not being able to complete anything because there are so many ideas. Quickly, I grow frustrated with a perceived lack of progress because nothing seems substantial, I fail to see the fruit of my labors. I remain frustrated. I become short and angry with my loved ones, and I feel horrible about it. Feelings of failure combined with the ticking clock of life passing with nothing to show for it flood my subconscious.
I constantly search for purpose and pray to God for direction.
** All the while He told me to write. And for a long while, that’s the one thing I did not do.
(Look at me now though, being obedient) **
I remember asking my husband to remind me, the next time my mind runs a flurry and I feel overwhelmed to simply sit and focus on God. If I focus too much energy on things outside of investing in and cultivating that relationship, I lose my peace.
This reminder was a seed, a seed that held within it the hope and peace that I so desperately need to take root. This is the seed I needed to interrupt the pattern.
For me, the seeds of life’s inputs matter. And I’ve learned to be more aware of my peace leeches. Those thoughts, patterns, things, activities and people that take and not add value. They draw from my proverbial well without being able to or choosing not to replenish. The taking and never giving dynamics. And at this point in my life, maintaining anything that does not add to me is unnecessary.
So, as I put energy into my spiritual alignment, and I see now how perfectly crafted I am woven into Gods tapestry. How intentionally he has created me. Nothing, not even my often overwhelming thoughts are by accident. How by seeking Him, I am fulfilled and constantly being made whole.
Oh, how this gives me peace. Knowing that God has interwoven my life and my gifts so intricately into his grand design, that He chose to drape his love over a tore up and broken down sinner like me is my greatest comfort. I have no need to fear, no need to scramble or feel like I’m behind life’s schedule, because as I follow Him, He leads me and as long as we are together I’m right on time.
So, I take life one day at a time. And now that I am aware of the unhealthy patterns of my life, I am empowered to not repeat the sometimes weeks and months in a cloud of frustration. I no longer fear fruitlessness. My obedience is the fruit of this season. And I’m okay with that.
And hey, You reading this right now, if any of this makes sense, if any part resonates with your journey, are the fruit.
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